What Does It Mean To Argue In Bad Faith – Taking time to calm down is fine, but it’s still important to end it on a positive note instead of a storm. PredragImages / Getty Images
It doesn’t matter who’s on the other side of your forehead—your best friend, parent, co-worker, in-law, or romantic partner—arguments are bound to happen, no matter what. Disagreements cannot be completely avoided, but the situation can be managed in such a way that the relationship is conducive to growth. In this sense, you can view arguments as an opportunity to really listen to what the other person has to say, say your side, and come out on the other side.
What Does It Mean To Argue In Bad Faith
The problem, of course, is that emotions and built-up resentments can complicate the situation. Especially when the conflict is with a spouse or someone else (a bunch of frustrations sitting in the kitchen waiting to come out). Worse, most of us have yet to model what healthy debate looks like. Because of this, starting a fire is easier than putting it out. Learning how to make a progressive argument takes practice, but you can start by recognizing the things you’re doing wrong and replacing those behaviors with healthy, constructive habits.
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If you don’t have a complaint, don’t argue, but the best way to make progress is to voice your complaint, explain how you feel, and then move quickly to a resolution, says Judy Ho, Ph.D. . , a board certified neuropsychologist and professor of psychology at Pepperdine University, “Doctors.” TV show co-host.
“If you’re in the problem-solving phase, use a collaborative approach. “Don’t criticize each other’s thinking and spend time looking for ways to solve the problem,” he said. “Then mutually decide what seems like a good compromise for both of you and give it a try.”
“You always do that!” Such a statement or “You would never do that!” It’s not just dramatic, it’s unrealistic, Ho said. This puts the other person on the defensive, and instead of listening to what you have to say, they focus on giving examples that disprove your false statement. Instead, use moderation words like “sometimes, sometimes, often,” gradients that leave room for honest discussion. He also feels a less personal affront to other people’s whole being.
Making “you” statements puts the other person on the defensive. For example, “You broke…” or “You made me…” Mark Mayfield, Ph.D., a licensed professional counselor, explains that these blaming statements often trigger the other person and send yours in a spiral. . . Instead, use “I” statements such as “When I feel sad…” or “I need to…”.
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“These messages allow you to express how you feel about the situation without blaming the other person and focusing on yourself,” he said. Also, other people cannot ignore the messages they feel, and it is easier for them to empathize with you if they know how you feel.
It is in our nature to want to react and protect, and this reaction increases when we fight back. “Often in an argument, we get so heated that we latch onto a word or phrase and start building a defense without fully listening to the other person,” Mayfield said. “Then we respond to part of what was said and lose most of the content. It continues and reinforces the argument.
It’s a learned skill, but paying attention to listening to other people will get you ahead. Pay attention to their tone, body language, emotions, and the broader points they are making. Repeat the points to confirm that you care, express your opinion, and then make a decision.
“Meditation is a common healing technique that helps to calm down and move to a further level of evolution. Also, it is easier to get the counterpoint after hearing someone speak,” said Dr. Sudhir Gad.
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“Short breathing activates your body’s fight-flight-or-freeze system, which activates the sympathetic nervous system and prepares you to fight or flee instead of thinking rationally,” says Mayfield. “Take a deep breath that restores blood flow from your sympathetic nervous system and returns it to your brain, allowing you to think more clearly and disagree at a level head.” Also, deep, purposeful breathing is fundamental and calming.
Even if you’ve made some progress during your argument, it’s hard to let go of all these feelings. Taking time to cool off is fine, but it’s still important to end it on a positive note instead of a storm.
“End the discussion with something encouraging that acknowledges the good the person did in the process. For example, ‘I appreciate you listening to my concerns today,’ or ‘I’m grateful that we have an open line of communication so that I can be honest with my feelings,'” Ho said.
Sometimes it is enough to cover it with a hug or a handshake. Regardless of the relationship, the other person will appreciate your efforts to be respectful and express gratitude in the midst of disagreement, even if it means bringing it up later to reach full resolution.
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Want more tips like this? NBC News is dedicated to finding easy, healthy and smart ways to live a good life. Subscribe to our page and follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. The arguments are complex. We spend a lot of time trying to convince others. We assume that if we show them the facts we have, they will logically come to the same conclusion we do. Unfortunately, he doesn’t. When was the last time something changed?
Sometimes we don’t want to fight. It is better to avoid it. This does not eliminate the problem. In fact, pent-up resentment can poison a relationship.
No need to yell at them or force your will on anyone. A good argument doesn’t have to involve yelling, fighting, or fighting, but it often does. Screams do no one any good.
Arguments and discussions should be about looking through the other person’s eyes. They should lead to a better understanding of the other person’s point of view.
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Know the main points you want to make. Find the facts you need to convince your opponent.
Also, advises Herring, “Before starting an argument, think carefully about what you’re arguing about and what he wants. It can be heard clearly. But it is very important. What do you like about this argument? Do you want other people to understand your point of view? Or are you looking for real results? If it is a tangible result, you need to ask yourself if the outcome you envision is realistic and achievable. If this is unrealistic or impossible, verbal fights can destroy an important relationship.
I’m sure you guys had a fight before and then I felt it was the wrong time and place. “Knowing when to argue and when not to is an important skill.”
Take time to think about how to present your argument. How body language, word choice, and speaking style affect your argument.
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The smart thing to do here is to show that you’ve done the work and address the arguments against your position before they arise.
Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Watch their body language and listen for the meaning behind their words.
As a rule of thumb, Herring writes, “You should spend more time listening than talking. Aim to listen 75 percent of the conversation and give 25 percent. Listening doesn’t mean you’re thinking what to say next.
This is where debates and discussions often go astray. If you’re not listening to the other person and responding to what they have to say, you’re just repeating yourself. Other people disagree with them and the argument quickly becomes hopeless.
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Think carefully about what arguments other people will hear. What are their preconceptions? What kinds of persuasive arguments are there?
There are three main ways to respond to an argument: 1) challenge the facts the other person is using; 2) challenge the conclusions drawn from those facts; and 3) accepting a point but disputing the weight of that point (ie, considering other points above it).
The arguments are not always as good as they first appear. Be wary of your competitor’s use of statistics. Beware of distractions such as personal attacks and red herrings. Find hidden questions and wrong choices.