My Girlfriend Said That It Was Ironic That Paul Walker Had Died In A Car Accident I Told Her That Its Not Ironic But Quite Fitting In The Context Of His Films Am I Correct In My Statement – Dear Dr. NerdLove: I’ve been dating my gf for over a year now but it’s hard. We had some issues, and he had a bad previous relationship, one where he was abused and hurt a lot. It is a rocky road; every day we argue or I get angry because he thinks I’m looking at other girls that I’m not seeing.
She will do this if I work out, I try to tell her I don’t and she won’t let go unless we talk on the spot which is at the gym when I try. . to train for my competition.
My Girlfriend Said That It Was Ironic That Paul Walker Had Died In A Car Accident I Told Her That Its Not Ironic But Quite Fitting In The Context Of His Films Am I Correct In My Statement
He seems so self conscious that I’m trying to help him and it’s not going well. He kept asking if there were any girls in the gym that day, I didn’t talk to them. He’s frustrated if I haven’t done anything wrong, but he gets jealous and angry with someone I’ve never met or spoken to. Mind you, I have female friends and lots of friends; I am a friendly person.
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But it seems I try to be friends with anyone even if they get angry and cause a problem.
I like to party, because I’m 21 and he’s 28, but he gets angry when I always try to think the worst. Now he’s been diagnosed with depression, and I’ve tried to help but he’s put the burden on me and him going to the gym. I can’t talk to my friends without him going crazy, I can’t bully my friends or cheer on random people like I used to, and people notice that I’m not around him. Now I get angry and make noise in arguments because I’m tired of always bothering when I’m on social media or who I’m texting or something else, because he checks my status and location still online. If she gets her phone, I’m bored so I take mine then she asks what I’m doing and I give a snarky tone because I don’t think I will calls when he doesn’t know what I’m doing. Meanwhile, I didn’t ask him what he was doing.
It’s been a while since I’ve seen my friends from my old job or college friends or high school friends, and he always seems to ask who I’m texting.
There are so many things and I’m nervous and he always thinks there’s something wrong if I relax and always says my face doesn’t look like I’m happy and maybe I get frustrated if I face his continued concern. or sadness about something. that didn’t happen.
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He often dreams that I cheated on him or left him, and I was late many times at work because I had to talk to him and calm him down. I don’t mind getting her but she’s late for work then I can’t work out well when she goes to the gym with me because I have to talk to her all the time about not with worry and her. not feeling well.
She said she always compared herself to other girls at the gym. He is too heavy for his height I tried to show him that I love him, but he didn’t fully believe, I tried to help him lose weight but after the gym, he wanted to eat fast food not helpful. . There was so much going on and we were together at our own place, and we were going to Vegas in July, and he bought me expensive subwoofers and knee braces I bought him a few things but not so much that big.
I don’t know what to do because everything is ordered and I’m not happy. I thought it was a tax and I didn’t know what to do with the others I said I had to separate it and I wanted to. I don’t know how hard it is for me when he cries.
He does a lot for me, even if he cooks my meals and cleans the house, I help a lot when I need him and I’m willing to help. I want to talk to new people because he doesn’t and he always asks what new male or female friends can be added to my life and I don’t like that manipulative question.
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Ok I’m going to jump right to the TL; DR: HOLY HOPPING SHEEP SHIT GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP. Throw it so hard that you travel back in time, and then throw it again before you have a chance to let it get to the bottom of things. Cancel the trip to Vegas, break the lease if possible and GET THE HELL away from this woman. It doesn’t get better; it will only get worse.
Problem Everything you describe – the jealousy, the questioning, the need to know who you’re talking to and when – these are all examples of abusive behaviour. He always keeps you in a state of anxiety and makes sure that you don’t always keep balance around him. You can’t rest, be yourself or otherwise
Because you can’t be sure when you will talk to him from a sad moment, from unreasonable jealousy or when you accidentally step on a landmine and throw your day into hell. Insist you can’t go to parties? Keeping track of who you’re talking to, insisting you respond to every conversation you’ve had that day? These are isolation tactics and are done, in part, to keep you away from anyone who might be a threat to his control. After all, if you hang out with people you don’t agree with, you might be dealing with people who might tell you (correctly) that they have 20lbs of bad news in a 5lb sack .
And this is before we even get to the part where it is constant, actively interfering with your ability to be righteous.
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And you can’t leave the house until you assure him no, you didn’t cheat on him in his sleep? Holy fuckballs dude, that’s embarrassing
Want to emphasize that he has no reason for this behavior. It was such a shame that he was diagnosed with depression. I know what depression is and how it hurts your head. That allows none of this. Some of what you describe also sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder, especially the seemingly intense fear of being abandoned or cheated on. Many current theories of BPD suggest that it may be a result of past trauma and I have a lot of sympathy for people who struggle with this. But none of this – not his past bad relationships (abusive or not), not his diagnosis of depression,
Now I understand that you are an empathetic person and you want to help her and you care. But here’s the thing: you can’t. you
. You are not a therapist, counsellor, social worker or anyone else trained to treat mental health issues. You are his love, and here we are
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And I want to emphasize the part about responsibility here because it plays an important role. He is trying to force you to take responsibility for his emotional state. He tries to do
Issues – his paranoia about cheating, his self-image, his abandonment issues – with you. That’s not what a good partner would do. He outsources his worries to you and uses them to keep you under his thumb. And that has to stop. It’s not your fault, it’s not your responsibility. It’s just a matter of “hey, I’m a little insecure right now, can you love me a little?” It’s another thing to take every anxiety, personality disorder and trauma of another person and say “here, deal with it now.
It will get worse. Sure, it’s annoying when he cries or gets upset at the idea of you leaving him, but you know what’s harder? Live with it for a moment. I want you to ask yourself: how long are you willing to put up with this, knowing it will never change? A month? Year? ten years? How long are you willing to be hostage to his will, his tears and his demands that you respond to you every second of every day?
I hope to any god you name that you wrote to me before you got a place together because holy fuckballs it’s not
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Thing you should do, but it’s definitely at the bottom of the list. Depending on who the tenant is and what the tenant laws are in your area, you may be able to stay with him until the lease is up. If anything, that will happen
